Just call me a FAILURE!!

It is so easy when you have a mental illness to feel like a failure, its apart of the disease, its part of the crippling thinking……it is something that I have faced and felt for most of my life and continues to this very day.  In the last 9 or so months it has been…

Too much of a good thing…..

My mental illness, depression, bipolar and anxiety, have been stable for some time.  I have my occassional bad day or two but most of the time I am okay.  After many years of being very sick and at edge it has been a relief to feel okay, to have no voices in my head over…

Once there were families…..

Recently I travelled to Christchurch, New Zealand on a international study tour for the purposes of studying the Christchurch earthquake that hit the city and surrounds in 2010 and 2011. As part of the tour we visited a number of areas which were significantly hit and damaged by the quake. One of those places was…

The day from hell….yet I said for the first time “I love life”

Today I had a challenging day…. I left for work in the dark, got home in the dark. I left and it was 9 degrees with 120 kilometre winds and it was absolutely pouring with rain. I got to the train station and was literally battling to stay up right and not taking off like…

Nobody Can See Or Feel What It Is Like For Me……

I don’t often talk about the whole spectrum of my illness.  More often I talk about severe depression and how it impacts on my life constantly.  I don’t talk much about my Bipolar disorder, I guess because I don’t see my manic highs as much of an issue as the other spectrum, the depression, the…

Stigma – even worse when it is family…

WARNING: this post contains material that some may find upsetting and confronting, if you feel depressed and unsafe, please call Lifeline on 13 11 14 All who live with a mental illness experience some form of stigma whether it is in the workplace, from friends, colleagues or complete strangers. It doesn’t matter who it is…

Having Depression Is As Busy As A Second Job

As part of my attempt to recover from depression and return to a relatively ‘normal’ life meant returning to work.  The employment market meant there was no jobs part time nor any that were within half an hour from home so I started full time work over an hour from home, which places extra stress…

Depression is so incredibly relentless…..

Depression is so relentless.  Despite any treatment it never leaves you.  Rarely are there days when i feel well, most days are filled with deep depression, sadness, exhaustion, nausea, stomach problems, headaches and anxiety.  I struggle to get through every day.   If I say ‘i am really not well’ the response is always ‘you…

When support is given to you but you put up a shroud of distrust…..

I never had a Mum to talk to when I was growing up.  I never had a sister to talk to as we aged together.  I never had a partner that I felt comfortable in disclosing too.  Those who I worked for, who I was able to talk to used my words against me.  This…

The ongoing struggle to be me……

Last week I could only manage one day of work, I ended up at my doctors and then the following day at my psychiatrist.  Both I told I needed to see a counsellor, both said I needed a longer appointment to get a mental health plan and they couldn’t do that today.  Gone are the…