Nobody Can See Or Feel What It Is Like For Me……

I don’t often talk about the whole spectrum of my illness.  More often I talk about severe depression and how it impacts on my life constantly.  I don’t talk much about my Bipolar disorder, I guess because I don’t see my manic highs as much of an issue as the other spectrum, the depression, the…

A day in the life…..

No two days are the same in my world of depression, bipolar and general anxiety disorder.  In any one day I can go through many different extremes from complete exhaustion that no amount of sleep can cure, depression that swallows me up like the ocean, anxiety that leaves me on tender hooks, and mania that…

The role our story plays in defining us…..

“It was only when I was ready to give up every story I ever believed about myself that I remembered that I am, and have always been, here as a whole, no matter what my mind or body may be experiencing. It is as if stories of being broken make us feel special for being…

My commitment to Mental Health

“I pledge my commitment to the Blog for Mental Health 2014 Project. I will blog about mental health topics not only for myself, but for others. By displaying this badge, I show my pride, dedication, and acceptance for mental health. I use this promote mental health education in the struggle to erase stigma.” I was…

A return to darkness….

I have a lot going through my brain, a lot that is negative self-talk brought on my mood slowly slipping into the black hole that is my depression and severe exhaustion that saps absolutely everything from me. I don’t want to be on this precipice, or maybe I have already fallen over it, despite where…

Don’t sweat the big stuff……

You expect that coming home from a great holiday, that was both relaxing and rewarding, would leave me feeling great, ready to face work, life, and everything in between. But I feel flat, I feel shitty, and I feel exhausted and sore. Probably what they say is the holiday blues, if there is such a…

The year that was 2013…..

The year that was 2013 has not been an easy year for the soul mate and me. What started out as a year of months as an in-patient in a psychiatric hospital involving extensive therapy, and sessions of Electro Convulsive Therapy (ECT), and many changes to my medications, was a year where I found out…

Happiness #2

Mihaly Csikszentimihaly (1990) writes that “the best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times……the best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limit in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.” I previously wrote that to be happy we need to enhance our…

Mania – friend or foe…..

Friend or foe, on one hand being manic can make me super efficient, driven, focused, and determined, yet on the other hand it can make me talk a million miles an hour, interrupting or talking over people, it can make me argumentative, makes me drink to the extreme, and at times has led me to…