I have always struggled with my weight. Weather it was as a teenager with body image and starving myself or as an adult fighting to keep weight off and trying to lose it. I can say that I have never really loved my body and despite what the scales have always said I have never liked the way I looked and felt.
Since depression really took its hold over me around 2010/11 my weight has gradually increased. Yes one of my medications causes weight gain and no I can’t go off it unless I want depression to take over my life again. Yes I have drank too much and yes in the last 6 months I have cut back how much I drink and will continue to do so even when stress gets too much. Yes i probably have meals that are probably too big and that will change. All the hallmarks of weight gain and being too heavy, unhealthy and unhappy.
Last week my doctor started me on blood pressure medication for high blood pressure after it had been consistently high for about a year. I felt like a failure. Yes other factors can cause high blood pressure including genetics but mostly it has a lot to do with my weight. I guess it made me think shit I really have to lose weight and hopefully get my blood pressure under control.
So tomorrow I start weight watchers. I feel overwhelmed about it, sad that i am in this position and empowered to start eating better, exercising and starting to feel better about myself. God i hope i can do this, that I can achieve my goal to get down to around 70 – 80 kilos. I am giving myself six months on weight watchers, I don’t know how much I will lose a week or how fast it will happen but if I don’t persevere and challenge myself to do it then the consequences are that I will be miserable forever, I will get more health problems and basically I wont enjoy life and feel good about myself. I don’t want this, I need to change, I need to feel happy mentally and physically.
So tomorrow it starts – 30 points a day, 30 minutes walking a day! It will be the start of a new journey!