I haven’t been the same since the 18th January 2015, I will never be the same again….
I never expected it would ever happen, not to him….
I should have seen the signs that I had in myself for so long, I should have tried harder to keep in touch, to talk and to be there for him….I will live with that guilt forever…
I knew something was wrong, I knew he wasn’t happy, that things in his live were not okay but I never thought I would get that call and he would be gone forever….
On the 18th January, 2015 my closest cousin who I saw as my little brother took his life, of all the people I knew I never thought it would be him but it was and I still think about why, what if, if only….these thoughts and guilt will never escape me it is something that I will have to live with as I live without him being apart of my life anymore.
Its nearly been six months, it has gone so fast like life does, it still does not feel real, I don’t think I have truly grieved, I am still in this void of not understanding why, having so many questions and thinking constantly about him, even in my dreams or are they nightmares I can’t move past what has happened. I have wanted to write about this for a long time but I just haven’t known what to say, I wanted to be a voice for him but I don’t know how or what to write. I just feel empty.