It has been awhile…..

I have written since November, 2014 which is a long time in the blogging world, I use to write every day.  It is not that I don’t want to write or don’t have the time to write.  It was just that I felt like my story or what I started out with was no longer there.  

Yes I still have severe depression but I am well, my medication is working, I am back at work and study, I am getting married and life is good, more importantly I am happy.  I still have my bad days, days when I don’t want to get out of bed and just want to sleep and be alone but they are further and further apart.  I still get angry hearing and reading about the stigma and issues surrounding those living with mental illness and the lack of support provided to those that need help.  I still want to help, I still want to do something that would make a difference.  

I tried to start a support group for Mum’s like me who live with depression and who have older chiildren but it wasn’t as easy as it sounds.  Trying to find support from local government and services was impossible, they were only interested in Mum’s with babies and toddlers and who had post natal depression or they were only interested in depression and suicide in youth.  They talked about their programs for Dads and they were proud of their Men’s sheds programs.  Yet I kept asking “what about Mum’s living with depression, running a household, with older children and some who did not have a partner to help”, what about them?  They didn’t want to listen.  I tried to get grants to fund the group and get a facilitator to run sessions once a week but you can’t get grants when you don’t have an auspice organisation.  So at the moment I am still thinking of ways to get this up and running and in the mean time many Mum’s, some I know and others I don’t, still struggle with mental illness every day with little or no support and most with nobody to talk too about their depression or someone to ask them if they are okay.  

I often think about why we need to have target groups for everything, “those most vulnerable” which for me just builds a society around silos, groups segregated because of some demographic or other factor that stands them out from everyone else.  But the point is by segregating people to their vulnerable groups we are saying that if you don’t fit within these categories then you are good to go and you don’t need help, support, services or anything else to keep you healthy.  It doesn’t matter who we are we are all vulnerable!  If we think about the stigma around mental illness aren’t we creating further stigma by putting everyone it a unique little group, the vulnerable groups!  If you don’t fit within the vulnerable groups then doesn’t that make you worse off, doesn’t that say to those who don’t fit within these groups that you aren’t entitled to support, services?  I understand that when we develop programs, services and support for anything we need it to target a specific need but if we don’t have something that targets everyone then aren’t we segregating the from the community and increase the chance that they won’t seek help, yes we are!

Yes it has been awhile and after I started writing today and saying I thought I had nothing left to say I realise that well maybe I still have heaps to say I just need to sit in front of my keyboard and write what is on my mind.

But the reason I started this blog today was because I have been thinking for a couple of months that I do need to write again because I do have something to write about.  I need to start writing about what happened to me and my family on 18th January that changed our world forever because I need to find some way to identify how I feel or something, I am not sure what I need.  So I will start to write because it is my legacy to be a voice to someone very close to my heart that no longer can be a voice but deserves to be heard.

So, my next blog will start to tell the story that from the 18th January changed my life and has left me sad and with too many questions……

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