The day from hell….yet I said for the first time “I love life”

Today I had a challenging day….

I left for work in the dark, got home in the dark. I left and it was 9 degrees with 120 kilometre winds and it was absolutely pouring with rain. I got to the train station and was literally battling to stay up right and not taking off like Mary Poppins, umbrella and all. Waiting for a train that as usual was late and realised I had left my coffee in the car. I get on the train and my feet and legs are were wet.

I work hard all day. My neck and shoulders due to recent diagnosis that there was severe stress on the nerves in both are sore and it is hard to stay at my desk with the pain. Despite this, I got heaps of work done.

Then the journey home.

Left the office and its dark and dreary, rain clouds are threatening. It is still at least 9 degrees and the wind has died off but not by much. I get to the train station and the platform is packed with hundreds of people. I think to myself, “what is going on?”.

Across the loud speakers they announce that buses will be replacing trains half way home on a train line that supports three different lines, which means lots of trains and thousands of people all trying to get home. One of my worst fears is having to get off a packed train and trying to get on a bus while fighting with hundreds of other people who just want to go home and will stop at nothing to get your spot. I pray that by the time we get to the station where the train will be terminated that the line would be cleared of the car that the driver did not bother to check if trains were coming first before crossing.

Approaching the station where we the train is to be terminated and the driver confirms my worst fear and along with a packed train everyone gives a deep sigh and a couple of choice words. We all pile off the train and told to go to the far end of the station to catch one of the buses that would be waiting. I enter the tunnel leading up to where the buses are and there are literally thousands of people, a sea of people all cueing for the same buses that I need to get on to make it home before morning. I evaluate the situation and determining that with the crowds in front of me it is likely that I may get home via bus in possibly the next week.

People are swarming around me, pushing me, people are arguing and yelling into their phones and I can feel a panic attack rising in me. Standing waiting and the train company in its wisdom announces that they would be opening up the train line in ten minutes and that we should return to the platform that we just left. So the thousands of people that are in front of me are pushing towards me and when I turn around it is literally a human stampede pushing for a seat on the first train. The train it turns out that we were told to get off because it had been terminated!

I make it back to the platform after being pushed and shoved from pillar to post and wait, and wait because the four trains that come are so full I can not get in the doors. Eventually from some miracle from God I get onto a train and some two and half hours later I get into my car only to wait nearly 20 minutes for the little boy to finish footy training that apparently has to go for like ever.

I then find out that the little boy has a day off school tomorrow because of parent-teacher interviews, do teachers never work? When I was at school, many years ago, we barely got school holidays off let alone because of interviews that aren’t scheduled when parents aren’t actually available to go to said interviews. Then he wants a sleep over……a big ‘sigh’.

But you know what, I am still smiling…..I walk in the door my favourite television show of 30 years is on the TV despite the soul mate hating it, the fire is on, he is vacuuming, he is cooking dinner for the boy child. Then he tells me to sit down, gives me a glass of wine, lights the candles and tells me to rest.

Despite all that went wrong today, all that frustrated the hell out of me and the battles against the nasty winter weather and the challenges of train travel I was able to tell a friend that I was ‘loving life’!

“Loving Life” that is the first time that I have ever said that, that I actually love my life the way it is at the moment. What a massive transformation! Eighteen months ago I would not have thought I would be saying that I was loving life. I did not think that I would be even be alive let alone bloody loving live! Where once I was deeply depressed, living in a deep fog and accompanied by a Black Dog I am now content, my mind is clear, I have a desire to live and to achieve, and I love life! I have come from self harm to attempts at suicide to being in a place I have never been, its new, its bright, its free and I am content! I have been from the road to hell to the road to recovery and somewhere along the way I met my soul mate, my true love, found the need to live, the purpose and now for the first time in my whole entire life I can honestly say that “I LOVE LIFE”!


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