The last two years have changed me but most of all it has woken me up to who people are or more specifically who they are not. This weekend when I saw a wife and children farewell their husband and dad for the last time. I know that life is too short and can be taken away so quickly that those that take your strength don’t deserve a place in your life but more importantly your heart.
I know who I really have, those I thought I had and those I never had. I will no longer be giving my time, strength, life, or heart to those I thought were important to me but who were only around when it suited them not because I meant something. I will no longer open my heart and my life to people who do not accept me for who I am, who think they are superior to me, who only speak or acknowledge you for their own ego and self worth.
Depression takes a lot of things from you and at times I have been in a bad place but one thing depression will never take from me or break is who I am. I am a genuine person, I have always seen the best in people, and I have always been generous to all who come into my life. This has meant that I have allowed to many people into my life to use and abuse me, to walk all over me and to only have friendship or relationship only on their terms, their wants and needs. That is not how any relationship whether family or friends should be, it should always go both ways.
I have tried so hard to be the person everyone expected me to be, I have tried to fit in when it was obvious I didn’t belong and I always made time, gave what I had only to be ignored, or for it to be thrown back into my face.
Not anymore. I am better than that. My focus is on those who are important to me, those that are beside me no matter what happens. For me relationships will no longer be one way with me doing all the work if this is the way it is then it’s gone from my life. These people don’t deserve a place in my heart or my life, I am better than that.