How often do you hear someone say or you say something about moving on? If your like me it appears every second person is moving on from something, some minor things others big things affecting lifestyles. Whatever the reason, can we really move on?
Unlike moving house we can’t pack a box, move locations, unpack and everything is as good as new (Moving boxes….). Unfortunately life is not so simple and our minds would never make it that simple for anyone.
People say they will move on all the time – moving on from a death, bad relationship, divorce, a friendship gone sour, an accident or illness, an issue, a job, family, the list goes on and on. When one decides they are moving on, do we really stop to think what this really means for us? Know the requirements to do this? Know how we do this in our minds in response to emotion, thoughts, problems? To move on do we mean also forgetting, not ever revisiting what we are moving on from?
I don’t think that most people who say they are ‘moving on’ consider any of this, and when they think about it realise that in fact they haven’t moved on at all.
When I separated and finally got divorced I am pretty sure I would have said to myself and those around me that I was going to move on, start again as a single Mum, and leave behind this toxic marriage and what it had done to me. It was probably a good idea in hindsight but in application and achieveability I dramatically failed because not a day goes by when I am not haunted, reminded, hurting from this part of my life which I claimed I was going to move on from. Physically I may not be in that house anymore, I drive a different car, I don’t suffer at his hand, yes this is moving on, or is it? Or is it simply eliminating the cause, the environment that caused me so much pain?
If I was to define the true meaning of ‘moving on’ in the context of my ex-husband, the following should have occurred:-
– He would not be apart of my life;
– I would not be haunted by what he did to me;
– I would not have flashbacks or memories of the toxic environment he created as my life;
– I would not have trust, confidence, self-esteem, and lifestyle issues.
Yes, I am happier now, I have found my soul mate, and a lot has changed, but have I moved on if he still impacts my life? I would say no, but I could be wrong. Maybe by saying we are moving on, we are actually putting in place a control strategy, avoidance, to deal with what has caused us to want to move on? Do the words ‘moving on’ actually mean that we are refusing to resolve issues in our lives?
For me the jury is still out on whether it is actually possible to mentally ‘move on’ from anything.