I often wonder where I would be, who I would be if I didn’t have depression, if depression hadn’t affected nearly all aspects of my life. Would I have found love differently in the beginning, that didnt result in so much physical and mental abuse, would I still have my family around me instead of isolating me because of their choice not to understand and support. Would my career be somewhere else because I didn’t face discrimination, and bullying, would my school life have been different so it helped me flourish instead of punishing me. Most of all who could I have been if I didn’t have severe depression and anxiety. There is so much that I wonder about if I hadn’t had depression, would i have been better off.
The answer is NO!
If it wasnt for all this, I wouldn’t be who I am today. I would not have a little boy that brings me so much joy, happiness, and love, I wouldn’t be a proud Mum who devotes her life to someone else. I would not have found my soul mate and true love without being me. I would not have successfully obtained my Bachelor degree without depression in my life, and I wouldn’t have the knowledge and experience to be in the job and on the career path that I am.
No matter how much I hate depression for what it has done and will continue to do to me, the struggles it has caused, the pain I have felt, and the times when life has just been too much, despite this depression has made me who I am, ME.
Depression has given me the strength I would never have felt. It has given me the drive to do everything I can for those people with depression just like me. It has given me a commitment to writing and advocacy for an illness that deserves more attention from government, workplaces, and people in general. I may have lost people in my journey through depression but depression has given me the people who really matter to me, the people who are committed to standing beside me and being a part of my life and that will never be broken.
I can’t be without depression, I can’t and won’t change who I am now. I just hope for us all to be able to live with depression with a little more ease, without so much pain and suffering, without so many fears, punishment and destruction. I hope that society can be more forgiving towards those with depression, to abandon the stigma, and embrace the awareness, and strengthen the support.