WARNING: Parts of my storey are very confronting and some may find upsetting, if you find yourself upset and depressed I encourage you to ring Lifeline on 13 11 14 or BeyondBlue on 1300 224636.
What goes through the mind of the severely depressed during a major depressive episode is not talked about, people don’t want to know, so how people around you are meant to see the signs is unclear, prevention even harder, and assistance non-existent.
The struggle between the self and the mind, is a severe battle representing conflict, pain, punishment, and a need for it all to end.
Like a severe storm self-talk is the dark clouds descending upon us, the hurt upon ourselves the lightning strikes threatening to hit, torrential rain the build up of momentum of depression and psychosis, flooding the mind drowning to the point of chocking, unable to breathe, the ease in the storm is the relief empowered by fading consciousness when the depressive finds there peace from the stranglehold that depression has over you.
If you are lucky, one of the rare ones who are asked R U OK?, you are left in a trap of not knowing how to explain the storm that brews inside our minds? If you are able to articulate the words that say you are not ok, do we expect the person asking to actually listen, understand and respond? Will saying no I’m not ok be the trigger to run, to abandon someone suffering, because it is too hard, too much responsibility?
But for most, they just won’t see the signs of withdrawal, constant sadness, risk behaviours, advantageous planning, absence, alone in the storm threatening to take us from this earth, escaping the relentless torture of a Black Dog.