Happy Birthday….but he isn’t here…..

Being a parent is a choice that you make, being a divorced parent is often forced upon you. For my little boy this has been the environment that he has been forced to grow up in, two home, two sets of parents, court orders that control what you can and can’t do, and two of most things because you have two families, two homes, two bedrooms….

Today 13 years ago I gave birth to my little boy. It was a day that would change the rest of my life.
The day I separated and then divorced from my little boy’s father our lives changed forever. My little boy was forced into a life of separation and two homes, that is not easy for any adult let alone any child in his infancy.

So today I am meant to celebrate my little boy’s 13th birthday, yes I now have a teenager, yet because of divorce, he isn’t here, and I hate it! I miss him, today doesn’t feel right, I need him to be here so I can say “Happy Birthday”, because he is my little boy, and every parent should have that right on their child’s birthday.

Being a divorcee is not just about escaping from an unhappy marriage, it is also the grief and guilt that comes from not being a parent with a family home, without separation and divorce. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want my little boy’s father in my life, but it is being separated from child that gives me so much grief, unhappiness, and guilt. No time that I spend with my little boy makes up for the time that he is not here. No Mum should have to live days without their child, and no child should have to be without their Mum.

So the day has come when it is my little boys 13th birthday and because he has two homes, he is not here in my home. I am feeling like I should celebrate but how do you celebrate when the birthday boy isn’t here on his birthday. I feel empty, guilty, sad and angry because I should have my little boy here on his birthday, when he enters the world of being a teenager. It isn’t fair, and it is times like these that I hate the environment that I have made him grow up in, I hate that this isn’t the home that he deserves.

Happy 13th Birthday to my little boy……but you aren’t here!


One thought on “Happy Birthday….but he isn’t here…..

  1. Sorry you have to go through this. The good thing about kids is that they bounce back. They are amazingly able to recover from these situations. It is us, as parents that seem to struggle with the idea that they do not have us for a time. Sometimes we put our security in our children, or our jobs, or our finances and even relationships. The truth is that children come and go, jobs come and go, money comes and goes, and people come and go in our lifetime. If we live through any of those things we will live on a roller coaster for life. I understand the frustration you have. I have lived it when my boys were younger.

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