Reflection upon my teenage years…..

Today I found the poetry I wrote from my teenage years, not sure what inspired me to find them, but reading these poems certainly gave me a breadth of emotions to reflect upon.  From deep pain, anorexia, dreams of love, heartache, bullying, and extreme sadness and loneliness are the focus of many of these poems.  They have made me realise upon reading some of these that what I thought was painful teenage years was more than just my imagination, it was very real, and it deeply saddens me that such extreme emotions can be illustrated only to be ignored, dismissed, and treated as just a teenage thing.  How do you grow up with such pain for nobody to notice? Couldn’t they see it in my eyes, in my demeanour, in my obvious social isolation?  Couldn’t my English teacher see in my poetry as part of my writing portfolio that these were more than just words on a page, but troubling emotions, and surely behaviours that needed some form of response too?  Or was I really living completely alone in a world of my own, where everyone was so blind to my reality, could they not hear my silent cries, was I so locked away that nobody noticed my absence……

What I take away from these writings is a wakeup call to me, that no matter how busy I am, no matter what is happening, I will always know my little boy enough that I can see in his eyes any change, any pain. We as parents make a commitment to our children, and like a marriage it should be a commitment to them in sickness and in health.  This commitment for me as my little boys Mum is that like a bodyguard against bullying I will be there to see any pain, I will see the signs, I promise him that he will never be left alone, he won’t be left blind, left in the darkness, he will never be facing ill health without me, support, and the resources to be well.  What has happened in my generation will not be replicated in my little boy’s generation….it is my promise as a Mummy….

 

Parts of my storey are very confronting and some may find upsetting, if you find yourself upset and depressed I encourage you to ring Lifeline on 13 11 14 or BeyondBlue on 1300 224636. 

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